Travel

Have you ever flown with a 4 year old? It couldn't annoy me--and every other person on the goddam plane--more.

Okay okay, I know...she's my heart, the light of my life, my pride and joy--blah blah freakin blah. The first time we made the trek from Seattle to Syracuse, she was just over a year old. We didn't have to pay for her seat, and a straight shot of Benedryl got her nicely from Point A to Point B...ahhh, the good old days. The second time we went, she was old enough for her own seat, but she didn't have any airplane seat money, so we had to spring for the seat. Sheesh. And it was still such a new experience for her, she behaved very well. The third time we went, last December, well, again, she still didn't have any airplane seat money, so, guess who got stuck buying her ticket...she's such a moocher! It seems to me she was pretty well behaved on that flight too.

Cut to last Monday. We flew stand-by because we got a screaming deal on tickets from some schmuck the Old Man did a job for who is an Alaska Airlines pilot. Anyway, the schmuck gets us these guest passes where we only have to pay 10% of the actual fare--pretty good, right? WRONG! You have to call the airline 24 hours before you want to fly and "list" for the flight you want, and then, it's pretty much luck of the draw if you get on the flight or not. We did not.

We got to SeaTac at noon on Monday. After going through all of the hoops, security checks, shoes off, put'em in the bin, scan your privates, enjoy your trip bullshit, we were denied the flight to Newark because it was booked. Oh, our LUGGAGE went to Newark...so we went back down to the ticketing agents and asked when the next flight was. 8:45 the next morning. Oh, okay, so we can either get the guy who dropped us off at the airport to put his entire day on hold to come get us, and then bring us back in the morning, or...we can see if there are ANY flights stupid fucking Alaska Airlines goes to that would put us on the east coast. Boston. Alaska Airlines flies to Boston, and the flight looks pretty wide open, meaning, we just might have a shot at getting on. WooHoo...sign us up. At this point, Alaska Airlines was doing good--because they really helped us out. The first guy we asked, holy shit, this guy must have been flipping burgers the week before, because he had NOT A CLUE! Okay, so when is the flight to Boston? 10:55 PM. It is now, let's see, 3:30...oh. And we have to go through security again? Oh. Okay. So we spent all day in the airport. Funny thing about the airport: you can bring your kid into the bar. Yay!

Well, needless to say, we did get on the flight to Boston--by the skin of our teeth--and it was an overnight flight, so the kid slept the entire way. But now we're in Boston. At 6:00 in the morning. And the only way to get from Boston to Syracuse, New York (the final destination) is either a commuter plane ($1,000.00 for the three of us, spank you very much), a train (booked solid), or Greyhound. Now, it's been a long time since I've been on the bus, and I am really not a snob when it comes to shit like that, but eff me, people...if you ever want to see some of the dregs of society--catch a bus.

Okay okay. So, we buy our bus tickets, and it is now...let's see...9:00 AM. When does the bus leave? Noon. Oh. Well, we took a walk up to China Town, which is literally out the station's front door. Very pretty. Very nice. Very smelly. (Good smelly) That killed twenty minutes. So we went back to the station and sat in front of the doors until boarding, because I remembered that it is first come first serve as far as seating goes, and we want the back bench seat, so the 3 of us could sit together and the kid could sleep. Oh, I know it's by the bathroom, but...it's a trade off, right? So we get our desired seat and SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS LATER we arrived in Syracuse. The kid slept the entire way, except the last 2 hours, but she had never been on a bus before so, it was new and fun and adventurous. *big eye roll*

Good trip--saw the family, went to the New York State Fair, played yahtzee (yeah, we were drunk, so what?). My step-mother tried to kill me by putting me into an Ambien coma (holy shit--have you ever had Ambien? I forgot my ni-night candy and she offered me a sleeping pill--who knew???) She and my Dad have 17 cats, but that's a whole other story. Oh, and all of this with only the clothes on our back. The luggage? Still in Newark. So I borrowed clothes from my sister, and the Old Man borrowed clothes from my brother-in-law, and the kid borrowed clothes from my niece...my sister always makes up a little hospitality basket for us--toothbrushes, deodorant, shampoo--so we don't have to pack any of that, so we were good to go there. All in all, a very nice visit.

My Dad drove us back to Boston yesterday. It took us just over 4 hours. The kid slept the entire way; big mistake. We missed the turn off for the airport and ended up on the surface streets of downtown Boston...oh my. And my step-mother kept giving my Dad directions like she'd been born and raised there (um, she hadn't) and we just got loster and loster :-) and finally, we got back on the right road and made it to the airport--with three hours to spare. Three hours of a very well-rested 4 year old with energy to spare. We had no incident getting on the flight, in fact, we didn't even have to go stand-by, they assigned us seats when we arrived. So that was some stress gone. But still...the flight home was 5 and a half hours that felt like 10. The kid would not sit still. She kept wanting to go potty, and then when we got in there she'd say "I was just kidding", but, I mean, when she says she has to go, you gotta go, right? So it went on like that. But now...we are home,and all is right in the world again.

If anyone ever offers you a guest pass to fly--run. Run like the devil is chasing you. My inner-Jew was ecstatic that we only had to pay 10%, but it was so not worth it. Just pay the Expedia, or Priceline, or HotWire price. Save yourself a shit-load of hassle. Because, we usually fly right to Syracuse, my sister lives 10 minutes from the airport, and everything is great. This trip was, although safe--we all lived through it--it was the trip from hell, and I will never ever again fly with anything less than a confirmed reservation into my final destination city.

It's good to be home.