Who You Gonna Vote For?

Okay, so, if you know me, you know who I'm gonna vote for. It's really no secret that I am a card carrying Republican *gasp* I know, I know, it's not a very popular position to take these days. In fact, not one of my friends sees things the way I do. I live in very left-wing crazy-ass-liberal Seattle. All of my friends smoke pot. I don't know if that's a Democrat thing, but, when I was younger, I used to smoke pot, too, AND I had a very liberal view of things. Coincidence? *shrug*

I would never dream of trying to tilt a leftie to the right. Just as they would never try to tilt me to the left--oh, wait a minute...that is EXACTLY what they try to do. And it couldn't annoy me more. Stop trying to "persuade" me that we need "change" in the White House. If you want "change" in the White House, then don't elect a fucking politician.

Now, I'm not going to pretend that I am the most knowledgable person on the world wide web when it comes to politics, because, hey, let's face it, I ain't. And, I must admit, not everything my party does makes me beam with pride. But I'll tell you something, I absolutely shudder to think what will happen to us if Obama wins the White House. He chose his running mate today. Joseph Biden. *clap-clap-clap* Well played, Obama. Good thinking choosing a man well-schooled in foreign relations as you, yourself, are so woefully lacking. And way-to-go playing the Tragedy Card. Poor guy lost his wife and daughter in a car accident, and that qualifies him to be vice-president how? Oh, I see, you just wanted us to be reminded of it. Okay, thanks. And Biden is from a nice, poor, blue collar family, so that is supposed to endear you, and your lovely elitist wife, to the working stiffs. Bravo. Umm, you're still a Muslim, right? Okay, just checking.

I don't need to go into why I am voting for John McCain here, it should be obvious to anyone who has done their homework why he is the better man for the job, and it's not my place to try to convince you. It is SO annoying when people try to do that. I don't really care who you vote for...just vote.

And by the way, before you go judging me, you should know that I have some very liberal views. (she said, begrudgingly) I am all for a woman's right to choose. I believe in gay marriage. I don't feel religion has any place in public schools. See? Thought you knew me, didn't you? :-p Anyway, it's like Michael Savage says, "If you're not a liberal in your twenties, you have no heart. If you're still a liberal in your thirties, you have no brain."

Do your homework. Do your duty. Do your neighbor, for all I care, but for God's sake...VOTE.

Well okay, I suppose it IS pretty awesome. This is the Grand Coulee Dam in BumFuckEgypt, Eastern Washington. (no fucking wi-fi) (oops...getting a little lax with the effs)

My 4-year-old blew her nose on my sleeve this morning. Just came right up to me, took my sleeve, and blew a great big boog on it. It couldn't annoy me more.

It must be a slow "annoyance" day.

Then again, it's pretty early. I'm sure I will post again later.

no wi-fi in BFE

Eastern Washington. It couldn't annoy me more. For those of you who have never been to Eastern Washington...well done. For those of you who have...you know what I'm saying. For those of you who live there...well, f**k me. You are a stronger person than I.


I suppose my biggest bitch would be the lack of internet access. I mean, I use Clearwire, because here in civilized Seattle, I live in a marina, on a boat. Granted, my wi-fi card has no power here (hence the Clearwire) but I can go to the parking lot and be online in seconds (not that I would do that, but it IS an option). I brought my laptop and Clearwire to Eastern Washington. Useless. I was 70 miles from the nearest tower. That was two weeks ago. So, I thought I would be clever and use my wi-fi card this last time we went east of the Cascades...uh-uh. Did I mention there is no wi-fi in BumFuckEgypt????


Okay-okay, I suppose I am being unfair. There actually is wi-fi access in Eastern Washington; there just so happened to be NO internet access where I was. So...I really have no room to bitch here.


I am, obviously, back in Seattle. But don't get excited--we are leaving again tomorrow. Back to BFE. (big eye roll)


Unfortunately, nothing about the Olympics has annoyed me. Except maybe for Michael Phelps. Fucking show-off. (ummm...just kidding...I am NOT al-qaeda!)

Look forward to my next post, perhaps on Sunday. Or dread it with all you hold sacred and holy. Either way.

America's Got WHAT???

Talent? Seriously? I've done better than some of those acts at 1:45 a.m. at my local karaoke bar! (Planet Georgetown--shameless plug)

I know I know--it is Olympic Friday; but it's not even noon (surprised I'm up? Me too) and Olympic Fever has not yet reached its full deadly potential. If you're very good I might thrill you with some poignant social commentary on the whole China/Olympic thing tomorrow. Meanwhile, Free Tibet? I don't know what a Tibet is, but I'll take anything that's free.

So back to America's Got Talent. Well, okay, if you say so. To be fair, though, I guess there were a few choices those knuckle headed judges made that didn't actually boggle the mind. Some poor little blond thing singing and playing guitar; she was good. Now let me tell you why I am so annoyed. Sharon GD Osbourne totally mind-fucked this poor little blond thing by basically asking her if she thought she did well, and the poor little blond thing, who is, like at negative 6 on the self esteem scale, of course said "well, I could have done better" or something like that, and Sharon GD Osbourne goes on to yadda yadda yadda about the competition, or some such, and this poor little blond thing is sweating bullets up on stage, and Sharon GD Osbourne finally says "we've made our decision, and I think you know what it is"...and the poor little blond thing is like *gulp* and Sharon GD Osbourne goes "you're going through to Hollywood" and the poor little blond thing was like "seriously?" I mean come on. Was that really necessary? (Meanwhile, I'm sure the poor little blond thing has a name, but I'll be damned if I know what it is...) So it went on like that all night. The moronic judges screwing with people's emotions by saying things like "I'm afraid...you're going to Hollywood." and "I'm afraid...you'll be staying with us." and "Do you want to stay with us, or do you want to go home?" this to a little 4 year old. *scream*

Anyway, on a lighter note, the Last Comic Standing was that woman Aliza Schleshinger! (oh man, I will guarantee you I butchered her last name) (sorry) She was so funny and, while I'm sad the guy from Seattle didn't win, I wanted it to be her the whole time. Way to go.

I know I know. I watch entirely too much TV. And yes, that rat bastard Pizza Hut commercial aired 63 times in 3 hours. But, surprisingly, no Free Credit Report dot com (ba-by) commercials. Hmmm... *wink wink*

is it just me?

Oh the humanity. What jackbooted bastard in marketing came up with that GD Pizza Hut commercial where the girl pretends (badly) that she is a French pastry chef and force feeds chocolate covered bread sticks to unsuspecting idiots in a California bakery??? Who the F**K doesn't know what Pizza Hut bread sticks look like? And who the F**K would look at those "shock-o-lot dunkairs" and NOT know they were from GD Pizza Hut? I need to scream. Excuse me, please.

Okay. In the grand scheme of things, I realize this is but a wee annoyance, and a tiny bit of a cliche. I mean, who likes commercials? But this one...oh this one. This one makes me want to poke myself in the eye. Twice. My only comfort is knowing they will stop airing it three hundred and eighty seven times a day when the promotion is over.

Viagra. Oh the effing humanity. What latent, in the closet homosexual ad exec came up with these ridiculous male pillow fight fantasy commercials where a bunch of guys (presumably hopped up on pecker pills) sit around in an old empty barn and sing about how great it is they have erections??? Oh I know, I know. They all get in their cars at the end of the commercial and drive home to their "lady friends". I know that is what they want us to believe. But *wink wink* we know better. Right?

Meanwhile, I usually watch PBS.

The Best Little Whore Shack in Mason County!

I mean seriously? People are pissed off because baristas at Espresso Gone Wild in Belfair (shameless plug) are wearing bikinis and pasties? Seriously? This is why people are pissed off? Are they operating in a kindercare parking lot? Maybe outside a church? Are they advertising kiddie value coffees? WTF people! Ohhh...I see. It's in an area not zoned for 'erotic entertainment'. Oh. Well then. (Big Eye Roll)

Okay. Wrap your mind around this. I am in my front yard, catching some sun, and I think to myself: "say, I could really go for an espresso right now", so I walk down the street to Espresso Gone Wild (shameless plug) for a quick pick me up. In my bikini. I am now standing at the order window, in my bikini, waiting for my java. Am I to assume I will be ticketed? Fined? I can guarantee you I can walk into any Safeway in any county in any state in my bikini and there is not thing one anybody can do about it. Granted, I couldn't WORK at Safeway in my bikini, it's way too cold, and I'm sure the company has a dress code. Which brings me back to Espresso Gone Wild (shameless plug) and THEIR dress code: bikini *check*, pasties *check*, sensible shoes *check*, umm, nametag? Eeesh. We'll just assume they are all named Amber.

I was just thinking. I probably WOULD get ticketed and/or fined for walking around in my bikini. But that's a whole other issue.

So why do business owners not have the right to use whatever means necessary to make money? We are a capitalist nation (sorry Democrats), and this business owner had a great epiphany: Beautiful young baristas in bikinis! BRILLIANT! Young, virile men in pick-ups who would not ordinarily stop off at a roadside coffee shack and order a double tall skinny mocha frapachino with whip are now doing so by the hundreds. Middle aged married men are no longer stopping off at happy hour on their way home to the missus, thereby rendering the streets safer and missuses all over Mason County more satisfied *wink wink*. (Oh yeah, it's better than porn. These girls work for tips and they are actually sweet to the middle aged married man. It's a fact--you can check.)

Meanwhile, am I going to drive through with my 4 year old strapped into her car seat in the back of my mini van on our way to Hood Canal? Probably not. But that is only because I don't drink coffee. (Audible gasp heard throughout Seattle) But if, as we were careening ever closer to Belfair, and my not-so-better-half had a yen for a double tall skinny mocha frapachino with whip, you bet your ass I'd stop at Espresso Gone Wild (shameless plug)! I would look in the rear view mirror and tell my daughter: "These are good, hard working, honest women who just so happen to have bodacious ta-tas. Remember? Like when Mommy was breast feeding." And then I would stare wistfully out the window and remember the days of my own bodacious ta-tas. (heavy sigh) And, of course, I would tip 15%.

August 5, 2008

I live in Seattle. It rains a bit. But that's not what annoys me. What annoys me is rain boots and slickers on dogs. For the love of God, people, stop dressing up your dogs! Newsflash: dogs were born with fur and thick pads on their paws. They need sweaters and boots like a motorcycle needs an ashtray. That being said--look how cute my Xena is. She isn't speaking to me.

What does NOT annoy me, on the other hand, is when a dog carries its own toy to the park. Is there anything cuter than a dog on a leash walking around with a ball or a rubber bone or what have you in its mouth? No. It shows character and a good work ethic. Too many pampered little pets walking around Seattle if you ask me. In their slickers and boots.

The clear exception: Christmas photos. Oh yeah, there are exceptions to everything, and the obvious exception here is Christmas photos. If you take your dog to PetCo and get its picture taken with Santa, you'd better have it in a green and red striped sweater and some reindeer antlers. I'm not sure, but I think it's the law.

Meanwhile, if you have one of those little shaky yippy dogs and you're all "My dog has to wear a sweater because she is so frail and precious", well, f**k me. I am so freakin sorry. It seems to me you wouldn't even need to take your little ball of joy out for a walk; maybe just hold it out the window and give it a good squeeze?

So, in summary, on the Grand Scale of Annoyance, I give this one about a 6. Yeah, out of 10. I really can't stand it.