Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I'm ba-aack! Or "You Can Keep the Change"

Out of my 6 month slump since the election. I'm not a sore loser, though. We'll get em in 2012.

But there certainly is a lot that couldn't annoy me more lately. Like what's the deal with Obama going across Europe apologizing for America? WTF?? Did I miss something here? Do presidents actually bow to kings of terrorist states? Is that in the How-To-Be-President pamphlet that was put in the seat back on Air Force One? And why oh why are we letting this administration get away with firing CEOs of private sector corporations?? I have a headache. I have a serious effing headache.

Can't wait for the tea parties tomorrow. Can I make a prediction? If the mainstream media covers them at all, they will be portrayed as being held by right-wing coo-coos and extremists. I also predict they will be peaceful, but any hint of violence (being threatened by ACORN infiltration) will make headlines. Wanna bet?

I'm tired. And annoyed. And back. Deal with it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

toast, and other ridiculous O-biden crap

So Biden was talking to Meredith Viagra about why his and the Big O's tax plan is better than McCain's...and one line that struck me as *hysterical* was, if O-biden are elected, I can finally afford to buy a toaster.

Really? Thank God! A candidate who understands the plight of the toastless in America. I cannot believe how "in touch" these guys are. Because, I must admit, some of my best friends have never enjoyed the sweet crustiness of a well-prepared piece of toast. Sad. I'm sure they will now vote for O-biden.

And what the hell is this crap about McCain can't send an email? Oh wait...that is actually true. McCain CAN'T send an email--as in CAN NOT PHYSICALLY send an email. *clap clap clap* Way to go, O-biden. Keep making yourself look stupid. I'm really enjoying it.

Oh, and as it turns out, I was right about Palin's brother-in-law, the Trooper. Turns out he really is an ass. He tasered a 10 year old kid. But please, by all means, let's keep rallying around him because he is anti-Palin. *big eye roll* And, bad news for conservative women everywhere--turns out the only women feminists will support are...you guessed it...liberal women. They really can't stand us conservative women. Obviously. How will we ever go on?

By the way--the president is not a dictator and cannot change the constitution or any laws based on his or her own personal moral views. God, could you imagine if they could? We would all still be reeling from the Clinton-era Blow-Job Wednesdays. My Old Man would just love that. "It's Wednesday! And it's THE LAW!"

By the way--I knew somehow it would be my fault. Apparently we here in Seattle caused all of that death and destruction in Texas from Hurricane Ike because we don't reuse our plastic grocery bags. Sorry about that.

And what the hell is this crap about Jesus was a community organizer and Pontius Pilate was a gevernor? I wonder what Chrissy Gregoire (D) Washington has to say about that. Fucking idiots. And, correct me if I am wrong, but aren't the Democrats the "atheist and agnostic" party? Aren't we on the right the big old religious coo-coos? Meanwhile, if any religious group wants to get involved in politics, perhaps they should just go ahead and START PAYING TAX!

I'm too annoyed to even get into the Seahawks. So don't start with me. You know how I get.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I'm not annoyed...

Weird, right?

Just a quick update--Nate Burleson is out for the season. Eff me...

Monday, September 8, 2008

the Seahawks

Oi vay...does anybody have an Alka-Seltzer?

What a disappointing season opener for my beloved Seattle Seahawks. It was their seventh on-the-road season opener in ten seasons, and the 3,000-ish miles they travelled to get there (believe me, I know how grueling THAT flight is) could not have helped. I'm not making excuses...I'm just saying.

We have a fairly young and inexperienced offense this season. And special teams? Eesh...The Buffalo Bills (whom I never liked, even as I was growing up in Upstate New York) just took advantage of our weakness. We had them on first downs (16-13) but we just could not get the job done. Said our fearless leader, Coach Mike Holmgren: "We didn't play very well today, I think, but we'll get better." Oh Michael...I certainly hope so.

Our awesome quarterback, the awesome Matt Hasselbeck, got awesomely sacked an awesome 5 times for 23 yards. Awesome. He made 17 out of 41 passes for 190 yards. Awesome. Wait...awesome means "crap", right? Oh, it doesn't? Well, you know what I mean...

Our running game sucked. 85 yards on 21 carries? Eesh...Mo Morris (31 yards on 6 carries) left the game in the 3rd quarter with a knee injury. Nate Burleson (our one and only TD reception) also left in the 3rd with a knee injury. But the 3rd quarter wasn't ALL bad...Olindo Mare got a sweet-sweet 45 yard field goal...ahhh, a little too little, a little too late. The Bills scored 14 points in 25 seconds.

And then there was the tease. Late in the game, we made an impressive drive down the field and got inside the Bills' 5 yard line, and then...choked. Incomplete passes to Jordan Kent on 3rd and 4th downs sent all hopes of a not-as-bad-beating down the shitter. And what was the deal with Seneca Wallace signaling for a fair catch on his first shot at a punt return in the NFL??? His second shot got him nowhere. Although, we did manage to block a Bills 52-yard field goal attempt and leave them scoreless in the 4th as well, but by then, the damage was done, and we lost the game, 34-10.

Well, we're at home next week, and we face the 49ers. And we're at home the following week, and we face the Rams. *eye roll* I may have to take up another Sunday hobby. Or, I need to drink more so I don't give a rat's ass.

GO HAWKS!!!!!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Hypocrites

Oh my nerve, people. Feminists against feminism? Wasn't it the liberals who were the vanguards for the women's movement? (and, thank you, by the way) So what in the HELL could you possibly have against Sarah Palin? Why are there a bunch of Democrats denigrating Sarah Palin for being a working mother? Why are there a bunch of Democrats all up in her daughter's business? Excuse me, but didn't I just see some left-wing entertainment magazine with some 16 or 17 year old semi-famous gal (Jessica Simpson's little sister, or some damn thing) on the cover all beaming with pride because she was pregnant and having the baby and whoop-de-doo everything is hunky dory with that because she is a "star"? Didn't you guys like that movie Juno? And, here in Seattle, a lot of people are of the opinion that Sarah Palin should not have had her last baby because the child has Down's Syndrome. They believe she should have terminated the pregnancy because of the baby's condition. You know who else wanted to kill all of the handicapped? Nazis. I'm just saying...

As far as Troopergate goes...well, from what I know about it, this Wooten guy sounds like a real dick head...then again, he IS a Trooper, so...I'm pretty sure that is a job requirement. And let's not get our panties in a bunch. They haven't even begun the investigation yet. It sounds to me like sour grapes on Monegan's part. He just couldn't cut the mustard as far as being the Public Safety Commisioner. So, if this is the best you've got--it doesn't even compare to your precious Obama's drug use, now does it.

And why is Obama comparing himself to Palin anyway? (And not even comparing himself to her as governor, merely comparing himself to her when she was mayor of some podunk little Alaskan town) (Then again, that sounds about right--the comparison was probably pretty spot-on) If we want to compare experience, let's compare the actual presidential candidates.

I'm giving myself a headache. Watch the speech tonight. P.S. Why were there no tear-gas infested protests in Denver? Oh, right, I know why...and so do you.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Travel

Have you ever flown with a 4 year old? It couldn't annoy me--and every other person on the goddam plane--more.

Okay okay, I know...she's my heart, the light of my life, my pride and joy--blah blah freakin blah. The first time we made the trek from Seattle to Syracuse, she was just over a year old. We didn't have to pay for her seat, and a straight shot of Benedryl got her nicely from Point A to Point B...ahhh, the good old days. The second time we went, she was old enough for her own seat, but she didn't have any airplane seat money, so we had to spring for the seat. Sheesh. And it was still such a new experience for her, she behaved very well. The third time we went, last December, well, again, she still didn't have any airplane seat money, so, guess who got stuck buying her ticket...she's such a moocher! It seems to me she was pretty well behaved on that flight too.

Cut to last Monday. We flew stand-by because we got a screaming deal on tickets from some schmuck the Old Man did a job for who is an Alaska Airlines pilot. Anyway, the schmuck gets us these guest passes where we only have to pay 10% of the actual fare--pretty good, right? WRONG! You have to call the airline 24 hours before you want to fly and "list" for the flight you want, and then, it's pretty much luck of the draw if you get on the flight or not. We did not.

We got to SeaTac at noon on Monday. After going through all of the hoops, security checks, shoes off, put'em in the bin, scan your privates, enjoy your trip bullshit, we were denied the flight to Newark because it was booked. Oh, our LUGGAGE went to Newark...so we went back down to the ticketing agents and asked when the next flight was. 8:45 the next morning. Oh, okay, so we can either get the guy who dropped us off at the airport to put his entire day on hold to come get us, and then bring us back in the morning, or...we can see if there are ANY flights stupid fucking Alaska Airlines goes to that would put us on the east coast. Boston. Alaska Airlines flies to Boston, and the flight looks pretty wide open, meaning, we just might have a shot at getting on. WooHoo...sign us up. At this point, Alaska Airlines was doing good--because they really helped us out. The first guy we asked, holy shit, this guy must have been flipping burgers the week before, because he had NOT A CLUE! Okay, so when is the flight to Boston? 10:55 PM. It is now, let's see, 3:30...oh. And we have to go through security again? Oh. Okay. So we spent all day in the airport. Funny thing about the airport: you can bring your kid into the bar. Yay!

Well, needless to say, we did get on the flight to Boston--by the skin of our teeth--and it was an overnight flight, so the kid slept the entire way. But now we're in Boston. At 6:00 in the morning. And the only way to get from Boston to Syracuse, New York (the final destination) is either a commuter plane ($1,000.00 for the three of us, spank you very much), a train (booked solid), or Greyhound. Now, it's been a long time since I've been on the bus, and I am really not a snob when it comes to shit like that, but eff me, people...if you ever want to see some of the dregs of society--catch a bus.

Okay okay. So, we buy our bus tickets, and it is now...let's see...9:00 AM. When does the bus leave? Noon. Oh. Well, we took a walk up to China Town, which is literally out the station's front door. Very pretty. Very nice. Very smelly. (Good smelly) That killed twenty minutes. So we went back to the station and sat in front of the doors until boarding, because I remembered that it is first come first serve as far as seating goes, and we want the back bench seat, so the 3 of us could sit together and the kid could sleep. Oh, I know it's by the bathroom, but...it's a trade off, right? So we get our desired seat and SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS LATER we arrived in Syracuse. The kid slept the entire way, except the last 2 hours, but she had never been on a bus before so, it was new and fun and adventurous. *big eye roll*

Good trip--saw the family, went to the New York State Fair, played yahtzee (yeah, we were drunk, so what?). My step-mother tried to kill me by putting me into an Ambien coma (holy shit--have you ever had Ambien? I forgot my ni-night candy and she offered me a sleeping pill--who knew???) She and my Dad have 17 cats, but that's a whole other story. Oh, and all of this with only the clothes on our back. The luggage? Still in Newark. So I borrowed clothes from my sister, and the Old Man borrowed clothes from my brother-in-law, and the kid borrowed clothes from my niece...my sister always makes up a little hospitality basket for us--toothbrushes, deodorant, shampoo--so we don't have to pack any of that, so we were good to go there. All in all, a very nice visit.

My Dad drove us back to Boston yesterday. It took us just over 4 hours. The kid slept the entire way; big mistake. We missed the turn off for the airport and ended up on the surface streets of downtown Boston...oh my. And my step-mother kept giving my Dad directions like she'd been born and raised there (um, she hadn't) and we just got loster and loster :-) and finally, we got back on the right road and made it to the airport--with three hours to spare. Three hours of a very well-rested 4 year old with energy to spare. We had no incident getting on the flight, in fact, we didn't even have to go stand-by, they assigned us seats when we arrived. So that was some stress gone. But still...the flight home was 5 and a half hours that felt like 10. The kid would not sit still. She kept wanting to go potty, and then when we got in there she'd say "I was just kidding", but, I mean, when she says she has to go, you gotta go, right? So it went on like that. But now...we are home,and all is right in the world again.

If anyone ever offers you a guest pass to fly--run. Run like the devil is chasing you. My inner-Jew was ecstatic that we only had to pay 10%, but it was so not worth it. Just pay the Expedia, or Priceline, or HotWire price. Save yourself a shit-load of hassle. Because, we usually fly right to Syracuse, my sister lives 10 minutes from the airport, and everything is great. This trip was, although safe--we all lived through it--it was the trip from hell, and I will never ever again fly with anything less than a confirmed reservation into my final destination city.

It's good to be home.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Who You Gonna Vote For?

Okay, so, if you know me, you know who I'm gonna vote for. It's really no secret that I am a card carrying Republican *gasp* I know, I know, it's not a very popular position to take these days. In fact, not one of my friends sees things the way I do. I live in very left-wing crazy-ass-liberal Seattle. All of my friends smoke pot. I don't know if that's a Democrat thing, but, when I was younger, I used to smoke pot, too, AND I had a very liberal view of things. Coincidence? *shrug*

I would never dream of trying to tilt a leftie to the right. Just as they would never try to tilt me to the left--oh, wait a minute...that is EXACTLY what they try to do. And it couldn't annoy me more. Stop trying to "persuade" me that we need "change" in the White House. If you want "change" in the White House, then don't elect a fucking politician.

Now, I'm not going to pretend that I am the most knowledgable person on the world wide web when it comes to politics, because, hey, let's face it, I ain't. And, I must admit, not everything my party does makes me beam with pride. But I'll tell you something, I absolutely shudder to think what will happen to us if Obama wins the White House. He chose his running mate today. Joseph Biden. *clap-clap-clap* Well played, Obama. Good thinking choosing a man well-schooled in foreign relations as you, yourself, are so woefully lacking. And way-to-go playing the Tragedy Card. Poor guy lost his wife and daughter in a car accident, and that qualifies him to be vice-president how? Oh, I see, you just wanted us to be reminded of it. Okay, thanks. And Biden is from a nice, poor, blue collar family, so that is supposed to endear you, and your lovely elitist wife, to the working stiffs. Bravo. Umm, you're still a Muslim, right? Okay, just checking.

I don't need to go into why I am voting for John McCain here, it should be obvious to anyone who has done their homework why he is the better man for the job, and it's not my place to try to convince you. It is SO annoying when people try to do that. I don't really care who you vote for...just vote.

And by the way, before you go judging me, you should know that I have some very liberal views. (she said, begrudgingly) I am all for a woman's right to choose. I believe in gay marriage. I don't feel religion has any place in public schools. See? Thought you knew me, didn't you? :-p Anyway, it's like Michael Savage says, "If you're not a liberal in your twenties, you have no heart. If you're still a liberal in your thirties, you have no brain."

Do your homework. Do your duty. Do your neighbor, for all I care, but for God's sake...VOTE.